Archives, Ms. Netiquette|September 29, 2006 3:19 PM

Sore Losers I’ve Handled, But How do You Deal with a Gloating Winner?


Dear Ms. Netiquette:

First I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

I love your column and often use your advice when encountering situations in Pogo. I was hesitant to send this letter because I do not want to appear like I am a whiner but it kind of just typed itself. Maybe I just need to vent. So, here goes…

I do not like complain about the challenges because it is my choice to partake in them. I do not, however, hold it against people who do complain in chat. Challenges can be frustrating and everyone needs to vent. Frankly, sometimes it is funny when there is complaining. People say some witty things!

This week Pogo offered 2 very difficult challenges. I was working on the Pogo Bowl challenge when two other players entered the room I was playing alone in. The next game began and everyone had a terrific game. Mine was not quite good enough to get the badge but the other two people I was playing with did. Now, under normal circumstances I would have been congratulatory but, one player exited the room immediately and the one who was left stuck her tongue out at me and said “haha”. She then left the room.

Now, I understand that someone is excited they got the badge but why be obnoxious and rub my nose in the fact that I did not? I would have and usually do offer a “gg” or “wtg” but this annoyed me. I would never congratulate such a poor sport. Usually I ignore people such as she but it can sometimes be difficult.

Thanks for listening.

Sincerely,

– Venting

Dear Venting,Of course it’s difficult. It’s hard to fathom someone doing this because it’s totally unexpected. If you’ve spent a significant amount of time online, then you have more than likely developed a thick skin to much of the rude behavior that unfortunately takes place by a small but vocal number of people. You recognize and have learned to deal with the sore losers, the cranky complainers, and the simple abusive types. What we don’t experience too frequently is a gloating winner.

So what do you do with these feelings? First off, accept the fact that you have them and that they are totally understandable. This player was undeniably rude to you in a brand new way. While I often encourage players to learn to ignore abuse, it’s important to understand that anytime you experience something for the first time, you are going to have a reaction. It will eventually pass and you will move on.

Now that you’ve experienced it, you’ll probably run into it again and next time it won’t surprise you so much and you’ll be able to let it slide like water off of a duck’s back.

 

Hi There,

When winning on some games I have deliberately ignored people who have typed ‘gg’ or ‘wtg’ or other letters. If someone has completed a particularly difficult challenge I type ‘Well Done’ or something similar. I have been informed that I am an idiot for typing the full words and not writing the way they do. I do not like or use this shorthand style of texting and will not respond to it.

I have, therefore, been branded as ignorant and standoffish amongst other things by others in the rooms.

Why cannot people realize that English is a beautiful language and this type of shorthand messaging is destroying it and not everyone wants to use the new shorthand version.

– Mike

Hello Mike,It is unfortunate that someone took you to task for spelling out an entire word. However, I can’t imagine that this has happened to you more than once or possibly twice. I rarely use “Netspeak” myself and have never had anyone comment on that fact.

Of course you have the right to spell out the words as you see fit, and yes, it rude to call someone an idiot or declare someone as ignorant because of this choice.

However, I would suggest that you reconsider your stance on “Netspeak.” There’s an old saying that goes: “When in the duckpond, quack like the ducks.” Abbreviating, or using “Netspeak” is so common on Pogo and on the rest of the Internet, it’s actually the norm. While you don’t have to speak it yourself, you might find that people are more friendly if you acknowledge their good intentions.

 

Dear Ms. Netiquette,

I’m writing because I read the letter by “Watch What You Say” that was published. This person had a handful of very valid points. I know you stressed the importance of being cautious with “friends” online, but I have a story that may help reinforce that notion.

I have been a Club Pogo member for a few years now. When I first started playing games on Pogo, I often found myself looking for friendly players to chat with while I was playing and had exchanged “screen names” with quite a few people that I met on Pogo. It was a choice I made to go beyond the Pogo web site to communicate with those people, but none of them ever gave me reason to rethink my decision.

Needless to say, I’ve gained many wonderful “online friends” through Pogo. There was one person, however, who attempted to go above and beyond “online friend” status. This person did so without my consent. I knew this person very well (or thought I did) because we talked daily. I considered the previously mentioned person a very good “online friend” of mine. Months passed and our friendship only blossomed. We weren’t an “online couple” by any means, but our bond was strong. We would talk about anything and everything.

Earlier this year, this person had to leave their home as a result of some financial trouble they’d gotten into. I didn’t know this. As it turned out, this person ended up on my doorstep. We were not even from the same state. It was a frightening experience for me and I had to get a restraining order against the person.

If there are people out there who decide they would like to broaden their friendships with “online friends” by meeting them in person offline, then there should be a lot of thought going into that decision by all parties involved. I am not comfortable with the idea of meeting “online friends” in person. I don’t recall giving my address to the person who paid me a visit, but I’m certain I talked about the city I live in and therefore very well could have mentioned a street name at some point.

It’s crucial not to divulge information we may regret sharing later. As we get comfortable with others, it’s easy to forget that we shouldn’t be revealing as much information about ourselves as we might be. People are able to choose what information they share with others and what information they don’t share. The person that I dealt with didn’t share the fact that they were leaving home or that they had financial issues.

To my fellow Pogo players: Please be careful out there. It’s not necessary to “trust no one,” but you should respect yourselves and your families enough to be able to trust yourself not to reveal information that shouldn’t be shared in certain situations.

Thanks for reading,

– Friendly, Yet Cautious

Dear Friendly, Yet Cautious,Wow! I’m very sorry you had this experience. It sounds like you were careful not to divulge too much information and then as you and this other person became closer, you let a little information slip. With just a little information this person was able to find you.

Yours was quite the experience. Your letter certainly serves as a reminder to be careful. Thank you for writing.

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