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Hello Nettie!
I love reading your column and appreciate all the advice you give out. Tonight I was looking for a game in No Limit Hold ’em and was unable to find one in our Club Pogo exclusive rooms, so I proceeded to the Free Pogo rooms.
Never in my 8 years of “Pogoing” have I ever been subjected to such rudeness and vulgarity! Believe me, I am not a prude, but being called multitudes of curse words was a little disconcerting! I was the only woman in the room and the three gentlemen (I use the term lightly) calling me names because I was winning was so sad. I know I could have left the room, but dang, I wanted to beat their pants off! Well, I did, and the response was horrifying!
Does Pogo monitor the public rooms, or is it just the “rub of the room” so to speak when you enter one? I know I could have reported them for their abuse, but what the heck, I rarely go into those rooms at all! Just wanted to know where EA and Pogo stands on the abuse in the free Pogo rooms?
Gratefully submitted,
A Very Loyal Pogo Player
| Dear Loyal Pogo Player, I am saddened to hear that you had to endure such rudeness from fellow Pogonians. I don’t blame you for feeling so horrified! What a terrible experience While Pogo does not actively monitor the rooms for abuse, you can (and should) report such people for violating the Terms of Service. Everyone, regardless of whether or not they subscribe to Club Pogo, agree to the same TOS when they sign up for Pogo, and should they violate the terms, they should be reported. In the chat area, find the name of one of the abusers, right click and choose “Report Abuse”. An Abuse Report window will pop up, and you can fill it out appropriately. While I am sorry you did have to experience this sort of rudeness, I am quite happy to hear that you beat the pants off of them! |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I agree with the person who wrote to complain that using the term “nuts” demeans people with mental illnesses.
Of COURSE it does; how could it possibly not? I’d venture to say that a fairly high percentage of the public has been affected by mental illness in a loved one and we are saddened by the way people toss around words such as “nuts”, “crazy” and the like; it hits a nerve if, for instance, one’s child has been diagnosed as mentally ill.
That’s what happened to me some 20 years ago and to this day I’m still not comfortable when I hear someone referred to as “crazy”; it hurts me inside and reminds me of the terrible times when the doctors couldn’t find the right medicine to control my daughter’s mind, or the meds stopped working, etc. One descends into a world of horror that leaves scars on one’s heart.
Can’t you imagine how it feels after such experiences when someone flippantly tosses around words like “crazy” as if it’s light-hearted fun? Please walk a few feet in the moccasins of someone who loves a mentally-ill person before you say it’s okay to use these terms so lightly.
Thank you.
Walked the Walk
| Dear Walked the Walk, Thank you for your letter and for your perspective. I’m terribly sorry that you’ve had to endure the pain of mental illness. As you point out, there are very few of us who have not had to deal with a loved one who has suffered from some form of this. I’ve received a great deal of e-mail on this, and while I do understand that the word “nuts” may be offensive to a few, I do think it’s general use in today’s world is acceptable. Very, very few people use it to describe those with mental issues. It’s a term bandied about when we don’t understand the thinking of another. If I like to decorate my house solely with plastic lemons, my interior designer neighbor might find that beyond comprehension. And if she were to say “Oh, Nettie, you’re nuts!”, I would not think she was questioning my mental health as much as she’d be questioning my taste. And again – just to remind everyone what this is all about – in a column a few weeks ago, in response to the question “are people nuts?”, I made the sweeping generalization that everyone on the planet was nuts:
One more letter on this, and then let’s put this to rest. |
Dear Nettie,
I am also a mental health professional who has mainly worked with troubled kids and teens. Like Standing up for what is right I don’t use the term “nuts” in my profession.
With that being said, however, when I am not in my profession and am with friends and family I use the term “nuts” in a variety of ways. As long as I am not referring to a person with an actual mental illness I don’t feel it is a negative term. I don’t ever the use the term “retarded” in any conversation, however, as I feel it is offensive.
Given my profession I find a lot of terms offensive that other people don’t think about. When these terms come into casual conversations with my friends and family I politely tell them that I find the word offensive and ask that they not use that term around me anymore. Some friends understand while other friends think I am “nuts”.
I think the point overall that I would make is that everyone will have a set of words that they find offensive that are going to be different from everybody else’s. If something offends you, then make it known (politely). If you offend someone with your words then you should make a mental note to do your best to not use that word around that person and go on with life.
I also think that everyone has different ways of expressing themselves and we should be tolerant of each other unless something (like “retarded”) really offends you and then stand up for what is right.
Sincerely,
A Second Opinion
| Dear A Second Opinion, Thanks for providing some wonderfully sound advice, with which I agree wholeheartedly! A big thanks to everyone who took the time to write with their thoughts on this subject. The vast majority of people felt that the term is simply not offensive, while a few folks did question the use. I enjoyed reading all the letters. |
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