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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I am an avid reader of your column and they usually answer some questions that I have had. However today I need advice from you.
I play Addiction Solitaire several times a day on and off and I am getting a lot of token gifts to give to players. Today within 20 minutes I had three to give away and I did. Not one of the players said “thank you” and it is really disappointing as I select the person for the token gift. A few minutes later I got another one to give away and I did… no answer.
I then decided that as of today when I receive the gift tokens to give away, I will get out of the game and go into another room. The token gift will then be lost.
I started to play after dinner and I got another token gift, I decided to give it to a player and please do take a wild guess… no “thank you” again. I really thought what the heck is wrong here? Can’t be bad breath, lol.
When I received the next two token gifts, I just went out of the room and let them go unused. But I wanted to get to Rank 39 and kept playing in the new room and I got another token gift. This time I needed only one more buddy and I gave the token gift to a player. Still guessing?? Don’t because I didn’t get a “thank you” again.
It is frustrating, I realize that at times you have to leave the room but it wouldn’t hurt to just scroll up to see if you got a token gift.
Tell me please what to do. I know that I am not the only one it happens to but after six times in about 2 hours of play, this is very disappointing. I am inclined to keep on just leaving the room and therefore forfeit the 1000 tokens gift. I was actually thinking of telling the other players not to give me any because I will not give any either.
Please, please tell me advice as I am torn of what to do.
Torn and Frustrated
| Dear Torn and Frustrated, It’s apparent that this situation has you upset. I can understand why you would be frustrated after not receiving any acknowledgement for your Token Gifts, especially after 6 times. You did choose someone from the room to give it to, and you expected at least an occasional “thank you”, but didn’t get any response of any kind. That said, my advice is to let go of the expectation. You’ll never know why someone didn’t thank you, you’ll just know that they didn’t. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why someone did not thank you, and you may have just hit a string of folks who were, for whatever reason, unable to say thanks. Or perhaps they just didn’t care enough to say “thanks”. No matter, really. Sometimes we have to recognize that our expectations are not always going to be realistic and forge ahead anyway. Taking the extra step of leaving the room so that nobody receives the token gift is an unrewarding task for everyone. Nobody but you knows that you’ve gone to this trouble, so you’re the only one who suffers the lost time and the upset of feeling like you have to do this. Plus, you’re removing the opportunity for someone to show gratitude. A better approach would be to take a deep breath, recognize that people will not always react the way you would like them to, and on those rare occasions where you do receive a kind word of gratitude, realize the rarity of it, and be extra thankful for it. And if you give someone a token gift who does say “thanks”, you can encourage that polite behavior by continuing to give them the token gifts. |
Dear Ms Nettie,
I was in a Bowling to go tonight and there was a tournament going on. All was going fine until the 9th frame when the person running the tourney said “Everyone in and out of the tourney HOLD all chat. Don’t write anything till I say you can.”
I thought they were being a bully! I did the polite thing and kept my comments to myself.
Were they breaking any TOS by telling everyone in the room even those of us that was not in the tournament not to chat until they said it was okay? Just curious.
Curious George
| Dear Curious George, Tournament Directors have my sympathy. I know it’s a hard and thankless job (need a reminder? See my July 16, 2010 column!) However, Tourney Directors have an obligation to the Pogo community to do their best to not disrupt or annoy other players. So, he or she never should have made that demand of the folks who weren’t part of the tournament. We’re they breaking the Terms of Service? Probably not. Making that demand is not a violation. If you were to say something, and the tournament host singled you out and insulted you, then it’s more likely a violation would occur. The host would have been more polite by saying something like “If the rest of the room would please not chat for just a few seconds, it would be greatly appreciated”. In this case, I would suggest simply muting the host and chatting as usual. |
Hi Ms. Netiquette,
What do you do with the players in a room who think they are the “Room Lords”? These people will say “I’ll report you” for just about any reason under the sun.
Case example, I entered a game in Jungle Gin with someone and played the entire game with him. He won, which I didn’t mind but then left the room. His choice. I did ask what his hurry was and he replied that I was rude.
Not a word was said during the whole game and he said I should have said hello, wtg, gg, hand etc. Well, it was his game and he should have welcomed me first so I assumed he didn’t want to chat and respected his rights.
Boy, was I wrong! He wanted to chat alright – to complain about me after the game! And it on and on.
Chat Weary
| Dear Chat Weary, Your letter is about two separate issues, so let’s start with the first question and then move on to the more meatier subject. What do I think of people who say “I’ll report you” for any reason? I think they lack manners and that if they DO report people erroneously they may find their own selves in a bit of trouble. Your other question deals with the proper etiquette when joining a table game and I think your approach is perfect. When you joined the table you were sensitive to how the host was acting, and you let the host decide how much chat would take place. The host had the opportunity to set the tone for the game by providing a welcoming statement, like “hi, gl”, but did not. Thus you politely followed the lead. The host was obviously out of line by accusing you of being rude. If the host wanted to chat, he or she should have been the first to type. |
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