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Hi Nettie,
Usually I’m writing to you to complain about the horrid people and things going on in Pogo.
However, this week has been amazing. It’s Wednesday – Badge Day – and therefore, the rooms are the most crowded. I wanted to get the Dice City Roller badge out of the way, and so I went in and without thinking (or, more to the point, without reading what the badge was about until after entering the room) I entered one of the most crowded rooms, only to read the badge requirements. I started to get worried, thinking everyone was going to be mean and fighting over the cards.
But, I needn’t have done so. The people I was playing against were absolutely wonderful! No one was name calling or getting grouchy when I (or others) bet their max points to go after the auction cards. For once, it seemed that everyone understood that it wasn’t personal, and that we were all just going for the badge (some of us more eagerly than others, lol), and that those of us with the most points (or in my case a couple of times, just the luckiest) got the cards. I was therefore able to get my badge in only four games (with 2 games having 2 won auctions per game, and two games having won with 3 auctions).
I then thanked everyone for being so nice to play with (i.e. no one yelling or complaining) and congratulated the others who’d won their badges.
It was so pleasant to play the game like that, and it makes me wonder why in so many other games *cough*bingo*cough* people can’t be as pleasant?
Thank you once again to everyone I was playing with in the DCR room!
Signed,
Happy to Play
| Dear Happy to Play, Thank you so much for sharing your positive badge day experience! It’s truly a pleasure to hear from players when they have a good experience. Most players are polite and well mannered. On occasion we run into those ruffians and ne’er-do-wells that disrupt the chat room, but they are in the minority. Most players are helpful, friendly, and fun. It’s easy to forget that sometimes! Thank you for the reminder! |
Nettie,
Put on the gallon size pot… have I got a DOOZIE for you!
So, I’m in Lottso this morning. Not having a horrible set of games, not a fantastic set of games, whittling away toward Rank 34ish. It was a good crowd and we were mildly commiserating about poor numbers, multipliers on cards we couldn’t fill, generally having a fine time.
In comes someone I’ll call “Thoughtless.” Thoughtless greets the room with “hello and gl from (insert state here).” Pretty typical, and people respond more or less in kind. She latched onto one state, asking if the person was near suchandsuch town.
Player A responds that she LIVES THERE. Okay, this is rather borderline on the flag scale. It’s a small town and I’m personally leery of that.
Thoughtless says “I have lots of family there. Just left there two weeks ago. My aunt died.”
AND SHE GAVE HER AUNT’S FULL NAME. First and last name. She’s basically just told us the name of the deceased and where to find the obituary. From there, an address for a likely empty house full of stuff to be stolen, possible date of birth to start on the identity theft, full list of survivors to start on the identity theft.
Yes, I spoke up right quick and said it isn’t wise to give that kind of information to a room full of strangers.
SHE KEPT GOING! She gave the names of at least two or three others, stating that one of them lived within two minutes of the bus station.
I had to leave the room. I couldn’t stand to see this for one second more. It actually made me sick.
We are not talking about an older person who doesn’t understand the dangers of giving out personal information. This woman was a 50 year old NURSE, whom I would expect would have a college degree and be hyper-aware of the ramifications of giving out personal information to a group of strangers.
Yes, Lottso rooms are small (this one was over-filled at 24) but how many are in the room is irrelevant. HOW MANY TIMES has she done this? Has her family had a rash of identity theft and they can’t figure out why?
She’s certainly not doing them any favors with this kind of behavior. And I am SO glad she doesn’t know me and MY family!
Just sign me,
ALARMED!
| Dear ALARMED!, Unfortunately, not everyone recognizes the dangers of disclosing their private information in public arenas. Everything you say is right on the mark. She *should* know better, but she obviously doesn’t, and apparently thought nothing of your friendly reminder. The reality is that there are criminals out there, and many of them are manipulators. They see someone like Thoughtless and start compiling information. They may start following their victim from room to room solely to collect more information. They may end up befriending the person to extract even more information. Eventually, they will use the information in a nefarious way. You did the right thing by politely mentioning that this information would be better left unsaid If you should run into this scenario again in the future, you can actually report the information giver for abuse. It is against the Terms of Service to divulge someone else’s personal information, which she clearly did by giving out the names of her relatives. |
Ms. Netiquette,
I just read the letter from Thankful But Confused in your column. I have a different concern about gifts that I am not sure how to handle. What to do about a player who asks for gifts? Or should I say straight out PAN-HANDLERS!
About 6 months ago a friend and I were playing in a room for a badge. It was a friendly room working on a challenging badge and everyone was chatting. A player came in and misunderstood another player’s comment. We immediately assured this player that she misunderstood and what was meant by the comment. That no one was trying to be mean and would never do that. She appreciated the friendliness and added my friend and I to her friends list.
My friend and I play in a league and this player shows up in the room during a tournament. No problem. We politely introduced her as a new friend that we had met. She continued to show up and started adding our friends. Following us around Pogo. Some of her comments caught our attention and being the profile reader that I am, I read her profile and so did some of the others. She had way too much info and we advised her to tone it down, some which she did. We came to the conclusion that she is a teenager, maybe very lonely and never says that she does anything to speak of.
Here is where the problem comes in. A few months ago I received a note from her in my guestbook asking me if I would send her a mix-n-match badge. I was taken aback by this. She has asked in games about Gems but I never thought she was asking because she wanted things. She just said she didn’t have any. I went into her profile and looked through her gifts and was shocked. She has accumulated a lot of badges and mini items including premium mini items. Some of these gifts were from some of my friends. After mentioning this we now know she is asking everyone.
Since then she has came into another room where I was playing and began asking if I had seen the new mini items. I told her no, and that I only go there when there is something I am looking for. After a few rounds she asked me if I would send her a background. I checked it out and yes it would require gems. Now I have received another note requesting yet another premium mini item.
I have not sent any of the things she has asked for. I have sent her a minor token gift. I do buy Gems to use for badges that I want. But I can’t afford to be sending out gifts to someone I don’t even know just because she wants them.
My friends and I have discussed this and some feel she should be turned into Pogo. On the other hand, I really hate to see her punished if she is a just a lonely kid who only has Pogo players as her friends. Ignoring her requests isn’t working and she obviously is asking others. Blocking her doesn’t work either because some of us play in multiple leagues and she has added so many mutual friends she still manages to find us. Straight out telling her “no” also does not work. We have passed on the word to everyone we know so they are pre-warned and it is up to them to decide. We can no longer prove what we are saying because she now has blocked her profile.
How do you think we should handle this situation?
Perplexed by Panhandler
| Dear Perplexed by Panhandler, Well, you’ve found yourself quite an interesting new relationship! I think that since you’ve already taken the steps to befriend her, then the most polite thing to do is to send her a nice e-mail explaining that while you enjoy her company, you find her constant requests for items are making you and others uncomfortable. She may, as you implied, simply be a young, lonely new player who just doesn’t “get” that her requests are seen as impolite. Furthermore, she may be insecure, and perhaps she thinks that having the badges, mini items, etc… help her to keep up with the rest of you. In your note, you might want to let her know that nobody is judging her for the mini items she wears, or the badges she owns. Once you’ve written the note, and before you send it, do understand that it’s possible she’ll take it the wrong way. People often get very defensive when others act to correct behavior. They take it personally. Read over your note and make sure it comes across as nicely as possible. How would you feel if you were in her shoes? Soften the tone if you feel it will help, and then send the message. Once the message is sent, the ball is in her court. If she is mature, she’ll realize that your intent is only to be helpful and she’ll respond in a kindly fashion. If she’s simply out to get as many gifts as she can, she’ll hopefully recognize that you and your friends are not going to provide them to her, and will likely find new friends. If she does continue to pester you, then you may need to cut her off as a friend. You’ve told her your needs, and if she can’t abide by this very simple request, then you’ll be happier without her as a friend. Good luck, and bless you for being such a caring person! |
Dear Readers,
I will be on vacation for the next two weeks, so there will be no Ms. Netiquette columns until appear on 4/16.
Have a wonderful weekend,
Ms. Netiquette
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