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Dear Nettie,
I would like to know what you think you would do in the following situation.
I’d made a friend, right here on Pogo, and I thought that we were good friends. Then just a few days ago this person told me a horrendous lie. I cannot go into detail because he/she may read this.
He/she confessed to lying only after I had spent two days crying over what the lie was. Telling me the reason he/she lied was because people that I was friends with were making him/her uncomfortable because these “friends” of mine were hitting on him/her.
Now I did not tell these people to hit on this person, nor did I really have anything to do with the problems. This person brought it upon him/herself by constantly flirting and exchanging information for contact outside of Pogo.
So I told this person I couldn’t remain friends with him/her because he/she betrayed me and hurt me so badly.
I have gotten rid of most of the contacts we shared, as well as changed most of my regular game rooms that we had gone to together.
Did I do the right thing, or should I have forgiven the lie? Who knows how many others this person told me, or others that we played with on a regular basis?
I no longer trust myself as the good judge of character I thought I was, and I am not sure if I want to continue chatting and making friends with my fellow Pogo players.
Sincerely,
Hurt & Jaded
| Dear Hurt & Jaded, Unfortunately, there comes a time in most of our lives where we meet someone we thought we could trust only to find out that we’ve been taken for a fool. I sympathize with you and I know how hard it is to get over a betrayal. You didn’t specify what the lie was, but you gave enough information that indicates that you no longer feel that you can trust this person anymore. So, yes, you did the right thing by ending the relationship. Once the trust is broken, the friendship is deeply damaged, likely beyond repair. You are better off spending time with the people that you do trust and concentrating on building and maintaining those friendships. People who go back to broken relationships over and over again find themselves in a constant state of drama and misery. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t be forgiving when people we love mess up. We all mess up from time to time. In this case, however, it sounds like this person built a web of lies and created a great deal of unnecessary heartache with you and others. And when you say this person “brought it on by him/herself by constantly flirting and exchanging information for contact outside of Pogo”, it shows that this person was focused primarily on his or her own self at the expense of his or her friends. This person, hopefully, over time will correct this behavior, and maybe they’ll be able to start healthier relationships with others. Right now, it’s hard to trust your own judgment, but eventually you will get over this betrayal. It sounds like this is not something that has ever happened to you before, so my guess is that you actually are a very good judge of character, but were duped this one time. You say you feel like you don’t want to chat or make friends on Pogo anymore, and you know what? That’s a legitimate feeling. You may need to take a break while you work through your feelings over this. It’s often healthy to step back, take a breather, and allow yourself some healing time. |
Ms Netiquette,
Earlier while playing in a game, we were chatting about badges when a spammer for one of the ‘free’ gem sites popped in and out. I took the time, as I always do, to report them. One of the other players commented about how annoying the spammers are, and I agreed and said that was the second one today that I reported.
Another player chimed in to say it didn’t do any good to report spammers. A few other players and I kept discussing the spammers and I said that I didn’t care if it didn’t do any good because I like to think that by reporting them I’m doing my part to keep the site fair. The one who said it didn’t do any good then said I was wasting my time because spammers change their names all the time. I said “Maybe I like to waste my time” and that if she didn’t like what I was saying, she could just mute me.
She then went on the attack telling me she didn’t say she didn’t like me and said “You must be looking for a fight.”
To me it seems she was the one looking for the fight. At that point I just said “No, you’re muted now”.
I feel I handled the situation correctly, but I wonder if should have reported her for abuse?
My Time is Not Your Business
| Dear My Time, I think you did a fine job of handling an unpleasant situation. You stuck to your guns and took responsibility. You attempted to keep it light, and when you saw that she was trying to pick a fight, you promptly muted her. Reporting the spammers is helpful to us. While it seems like nothing gets done because these spammers just create new accounts, it’s helpful for us to block the spammer accounts, as it does allow us to capture information on the accounts that we may be able to use at a later date. That said, it’s a personal decision that everyone needs to make about whether or not they report them. You are under no obligation to report them, and the last thing Pogo wants is for you to feel like you must disrupt your game to make a report. You and many others have made the choice report them, and it is appreciated. As for whether or not you should have reported her, it doesn’t sound like she actually broke any of our Terms of Service, so the report would likely have been marked as such. Arguing, and being unpleasant are not behaviors we like to see on the site, but they do not violate the Terms of Service. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette, I just read the letter to you signed by “Confused by Generosity” (Ms. Netiquette, June 18,2010). I can’t speak for others, I can only speak for myself.
As a Club Pogo member, whenever my free guest passes pile up to pass out I go into one of my favorite games and into a Free room to play. I observe the chat, sometimes joining in and sometimes not. I look to see who has the least amount of tokens. which is a dead giveaway of a new player, and I will give them a free pass to Club Pogo.
Of course, if they are being rude or obnoxious in the chat, I won’t give a guest pass. Most of the time, I’ve never said a word to them in chat, but I send the pass. I include a note saying “Enjoy your free pass” and sign it with my Pogo name. I’m not looking for a thanks from them, but if I get a thank you it makes my day.
This is how I joined the Club side. My real-life friend told me about Pogo after I had to move to another state. Someone I did not know or chat with had sent me a free pass to Club Pogo. I tried it and was hooked. Before the pass expired, I joined. This is my way of paying it forward.
So, in short, if you send me a thank you for the pass, I’m tickled. If you don’t, or you don’t use it, I don’t really give it another thought. It makes me feel good just to send the passes out.
Hope that helps “Confused” to understand the side of the sender.
Sign me,
Pleased to Send Passes
| Dear Pleased to Send Passes, It might just help an advice giver as well! Thank you so much for your letter and explanation. Truth be told, due to the nature of what I do I read a lot of letters from people who have had had their accounts violated or have to deal with unwanted communications from others, and I get a bit jaded at times. Your letter is a great reminder to me that most people on Pogo are genuinely friendly and are likely just trying to be helpful. I also received a few letters from folks who spend time on the Pogo Forums and they let me know that there is a thread called “Random Acts of Kindness” where people do things, like give Guest Passes, to other folks. These sorts of things certainly make me proud to be part of such a wonderful community. Looking back on my response, I see that I may have been reacted with a bit more suspicion than I should have. Still, the letter writer was made uncomfortable by the gesture, and I don’t believe a “thank you” in her particular case was necessary, as unlike you, the guest pass giver did not include a note. If you are one to give guest passes to random strangers, then I do encourage you to include a friendly note. Maybe something like “Hello, I noticed you’re a new player and thought you might like to try out Club Pogo”, which will explain why you’ve chosen to give the recipient the guest pass. |
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
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