Archives, Ms. Netiquette|February 5, 2010 3:37 PM

How Do I Deepen a Casual Pogo Friendship?

Hi Nettie,

I play Pogo quite a bit, and really enjoy my time here. I meet so many nice people in the various rooms and sometimes we have a nice chat while we play. I am wondering if you have any tips on how to go about forming any deeper friendships with people on Pogo?

I have tried joining leagues, and I just seem to get overwhelmed by them. I hear people write in about the amazing friendships they have formed and I think “that sounds great!”

I have plenty of good friends in real life, but sometimes you just want someone you can play a game with over the computer at the end of the day while you’re in your pajamas and your hair is all messy.

For the most part everyone I have met here seems fun and kind. But how do you get to know people better? How do you take it from chatting in a game room to a a real friendship?

Thanks Nettie!

Fun, Friendly & Fortunate

Dear Fun, Friendly & Fortunate,

There are no hard and fast rules for finding friends on line, or in real life for that matter. Some people have an easy time of making friends in both places, while others find it easy to make friends online, but not so much in real life – and vice versa!

In many cases, two people will find that they are naturally drawn to each other, and a friendship grows. In other cases, it takes one person to lead the other into the friendship. Someone might say “You know, I really enjoy playing games with you. Would you mind if I added you to my ‘Friends List’?” If the person is open to it, they’ll say “Sure!” and it’s likely things will progress from there.

Of course, if your online personality is a bit more reserved than your real-life one, it can be more of a challenge. You may have to take a deep breath and risk a little rejection in order to build new friendships.

And you have to accept that you may be turned down, and that you’ll have to deal with the disappointment. If it does happen, don’t blame yourself, and don’t blame the other person. You don’t know what’s going in his or her life and it could be that under different circumstances a friendship could be formed.

I have actually addressed this issue in the past, and several outgoing and friendly people write to me asking to contact the player on their behalf in order to befriend the letter writer. Unfortunately, that’s usually not something I can do, but– guess what? With the recent launch of Forums, people can actually leave messages for the letter writers, and the letter writers can, if they choose, respond either in the forums themselves or on Pogo.

So, after you read today’s column, head over to the Pogo Forums and see what happens!

 

Dear Ms. Netiquette,

Lately I’m getting a lot of rude and nasty comments from players in my Guestbook.

It seems to me that these nasty commenters have made special accounts to leave these cowardly and mean-spirited messages. I find it sadly funny that these Pogo haters don’t have the courage to send a comment in their own name. I was wondering if there’s a way to report the really bad offenders, and if so, how do I do this? Some of these comments I’m getting are actually curse words, although usually misspelled!

I’m also getting a lot of unknown people begging for Mini gifts. I wouldn’t mind that so much if they didn’t keep asking every hour and always asking for gem items. I think it’s extremely rude to beg people for gifts! My suggestion and I believe a nice way to ask for gifts– is to include in your profile a ” wish list”. Then list your wished for items and if someone wants to they can gift them.

To make a long letter short, I was wondering if there is a way to block a name from CONSTANTLY commenting in your Guestbook so I don’t have to delete posts made by the SAME UNKNOWN person each hour on the hour begging for gem gifts.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read all our Pogo etiquette questions and I so enjoy your column!

Sign me,

BIG FAN OF MS. NETTIE

Dear Big Fan,

It’s definitely impolite for people leave messages on other people’s Guestbooks requesting gifts or anything, really. It’s also pretty rare. It sounds like one or more people are targeting you for a mild form of harassment.

Your “Wish List” idea is intriguing. While it does seem a bit forward to post items you want in your Profile, if you and your friends are in the habit of giving things to each other, then it might serve to be helpful. You might want to preface the “Wish List” with something like: “I do have a wish list for those friends who want it, and here it is!”

As for your other concerns, there are a few things you can do to better manage your Guestbook, Gift and Profile settings. It really depends on how private you want your Guestbook to be. Let’s go through some of relevant options you have:

  • Options Below the Message. Below each message there are two options: Delete and Options. Delete, obviously, deletes the message. Clicking the Options link will give you… well, options! These include “See Guestbook” (which will take you to the message leaver’s Guestbook) “Add to Friends”, “Block User”, “Report Abuse”. If someone leaves you a message that’s clearly in violation of our Terms of Service, then you’ll want to report them here.
  • Guestbook Settings. Here is where you can choose who gets to see your Guestbook, how you want to approve your messages, and whether or not you want to receive an e-mail when you someone leaves you a new message.
  • Gift Settings. If you want to keep your gifts anonymous and the messages that come with them private, you can choose the appropriate check boxes here. You can also choose from who you’ll accept gifts.
  • Profile Settings. Here you can choose how public or private you want your Pogo Profile to be. You can choose to let everyone see it, only those on your Friends List to see it, or turn it off completely. And if you have your Pogo account linked to Facebook, you can choose whether or not you want your real name and Facebook photo to appear on Pogo.

There are more things you can do within the Profile Settings that have to do with your account, e-mail subscriptions, and Mini Snapshots. I encourage everyone to poke around this area just to see what’s available. If you read last week’s column, you’ll know that there were some surprises even for me!

 

Hello Ms. Netiquette,

I’m writing you to tell you about something that just gets under my skin on Pogo. While playing Dice City Rollers for a weekly badge people started coming in the room, that at first was empty.

Soon an auction came up, no one was bidding, so I bid on the extra dice. Much to my surprise, at the last second someone just outbid me (I believe on purpose).

Well, yeah, that’s part of the game, but when it happened a second time… let’s just say I got really mad and left the room. Why do people act like jerks and come in and do that?

Thanks,

Burned By Last-Minute Bidder

Dear Burned By Last-Minute Bidder,

Games are competitive by nature. Part of the competition in Dice City Roller is done through the auctions. So, unfortunately for you, you either must compete during auction time, or choose a non-auction room.

It’s a common strategy in any auction to wait until the last second before making a final bid. It happens on any online auction site all the time.

In any game situation we must take into consideration that part of playing a game is strategy, and to win a game, you may have to “best” another person. Rude? Not in the setting of the game.

 

Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com

Want to chat with others about this column? Visit the Ms. Netiquette section of the Pogo Forums!

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