FREE Bonus Tokens, Promotions, Amazing Minis, Sweepstakes & more!
Hats, mugs or t-shirts and more at the 
Hi Nettie,
Normally I am a friendly person and I will sometimes join in a chat and have met some wonderful people this way. Sometimes a person with whom I’ve been conversing will request a private chat and often I will accept.
Now here is my question. I was in a game room playing and no one was chatting in the room. All of a sudden a request came up to chat with someone in private. It was someone I had never chatted with before and so I declined. I finished playing the game and left the room.
Was I rude for not acknowledging the person who requested a chat? Should I have explained that I don’t accept private chats with people I don’t know?
Socially Clueless
| Dear Socially Clueless,You weren’t rude. It’s common for people to not accept these requests and offer no explanation. However, you could have been more polite and done what you suggested. A simple “Thank you for the invite, but I don’t accept private chats with anyone unless I know them” would have done the trick. There may have been a friendly reason why this person requested the chat. Perhaps there was something in your profile that piqued his or her interest. Telling the player in public your stance on chat requests would allow him or her to explain the request, and it might have led to an enjoyable conversation for the both of you. Or, the person could have had less-than-polite motives. You’re better off ignoring the private chat requests than accepting them and finding yourself in an uncomfortable or upsetting situation. Players in busy or chatty rooms may find themselves subjected to many of these requests and may decide to ignore them purely because of the volume. I don’t see anything wrong with that. In your case, the most polite thing to do would have been to explain your policy on private chats in the public chat area, but you didn’t engage in any rude behavior. |
Dear Ms Netiquette,
Have any suggestions for the friends/family who continue to talk in the public chat area regarding their truly private conversations, when this type of conversations should be done in private chat?
I am tired of seeing people chat publicly about personal stuff – like some moms talking to their daughters about how work went today. Yes, Pogo is the place to meet friends and family, but sometimes their conversations really are not suitable for the whole room.
When you remind people that this is a public room, they think you are in the wrong. Which way is it? Am I am wrong for having general conversation in the public room and wanting them to talk privately?
Thanks for the advice,
A Long Time Pogo Player
| Dear Long Time Pogo Player,You can’t help wanting these folks to take their conversations into a more private arena. But we can’t always have what we want. If we could, I’d never suffer bad traffic, red lights or stop signs again! And my tea would always be warm, fresh, and alongside some cookies that magically make me thinner. If they’re just discussing how their day went, then you’re better off employing the mute on players who discuss topics that don’t interest you than to try to encourage them to take it into a private conversation. They’re just chatting, and that’s what the chat rooms are for. In cases where players are discussing matters that are truly better spoken about privately – health matters, certain types of surgeries, messy divorces, topics that might make others feel uncomfortable, etc… then you aren’t breaking any etiquette rules by politely suggesting that these players may want to make the conversation private. However, while your motivations may be positive, they may not see it that way, so there is some risk that you’ll end up starting a minor chat war. Be grateful for the mute! I simply recommend using the mute when a conversation rubs you the wrong way. That way you don’t have to see it, you won’t become the “bad guy”, and they can continue their discussion without interruption. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I find it very insulting to have to ask permission to play a game.
I feel that since I have paid for this service that I have just as much right to play as they do. I have found it necessary to play against the robots rather than not be accepted by another player.
What is the purpose of allowing players to deny me to play?
Outraged By Requests
| Dear Outraged By Requests,Sorry you feel that way, but let’s look at this from both sides. Yes, when you join a game you must wait for the player to let you sit, and you do risk that player not accepting you as a partner. That can sting. But, let’s say you’re the player at the table. And let’s say you’ve just played a game with a ne’er-do-well who engaged in the most shocking display of poor sportsmanship you’ve ever seen. You would likely never want to play with this person again. Thus, you’d be quite happy to be able to not accept him or her as a partner. Furthermore, the reality is that there are people in game rooms who for whatever reason aren’t at their computer. Maybe they ran to grab a nice cup of tea, or answer the door, or chase the neighbor’s dog out of the yard. Or perhaps they forgot they were in the room and went pigeon hunting. Or maybe they’re rudeniks holding onto a table for whatever reason. Either way, if you were to be automatically joined into the game, you could be waiting for quite some time before you realize that the person is not available for play. If you’re waiting for them to accept or reject your request, you’re not going to be inconvenienced for too long. It sounds like you may have had a run of folks not accepting your request. I’m sorry you had to endure it, but I encourage you to keep trying. There are a lot of very friendly people on Pogo who enjoy playing games with new partners. |
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
Want to chat with others about this column? Visit the Pogo Forums!
