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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I occasionally play the Pogo Bowl game. On two different occasions, in two different rooms, some people apparently felt the need to congratulate every player on every strike.
I do not know these people and chose to not respond to them. They typed back a capital TY (apparently chiding me for not thanking them for acknowledging a strike – the object of playing the game). Eventually they started chatting with the apparent other room regulars and made rude comments among themselves about me not acknowledging them for their “NS” (nice strike).
I play this game to unwind – not to chat – and do not choose to respond to a cheerleader for every strike! So, when I enter the room, is it appropriate to simply type: “/e (screen name) does not chat”?
Thank you,
Quiet, Not Unfriendly
| Dear Quiet, Not Unfriendly,Interesting dilemma. I’d advise against making that announcement every time you enter a room, because in many cases it’s completely unnecessary as the rest of the room will be inclined to think like you do. In situations where the room you happen to enter is occupied by a group of people who are chatty, when congratulated the first time, a simple “Thanks for the good wishes, but I don’t chat. :)” should hopefully suffice. But, if these folks are so quick to give you a hard time about it in the first place, they’re likely to give you a hard time about saying that. If they do, I recommend turning off your chat or muting them all (remember, typing: /mute * into the chat window will mute everyone. Type: /unmute * to unmute them all). While I do think it’s generally nice to include others in the “wtg”s and “NS”s, one should not expect any response in return. We don’t know what’s going on behind the screen, so while it’s nice to congratulate, it’s most definitely not nice to give someone a hard time about not responding. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
We are going to need a whole pot of tea…
I did something terrible tonight. I swore in Balloon Bounce. Somebody made the comment that we were lucky our filters were on or there would be swearing out of frustration with the game, and a few people did – including myself – thinking everyone has there filter on. I dropped the F Bomb… some laughed and one person was quite upset and I said what apparently is another curse word (Starts with ‘B’ and rhymes with ‘hugger’) and completed my sentence with “I am so sorry I thought people have their filters on”. Well, that sent him off more…. he kept telling me to get out of the room with my filthy mouth. I tried to explain that in Australia this particular ‘B-word’ is not a dirty word – it is slang and everybody uses it. You get called a little one when you misbehave… it’s commonly used like “oopsy”, “drat”, etc… I apologized again and this person wouldn’t let it go and kept demanding that I leave. So, I told him to report me, and to turn his filter on instead of lurking and waiting to attack when someone screwed up.
It is the first time in years (10 +) of playing that I have sworn in a room. The first word should not have happened… After he left I apologized again to the room and most were fine about it.
This person just went on and on and on and me, being the stubborn cow I am, kept biting back because he wouldn’t drop it. I apologized for the first word several times, but I refused to apologize for the second word.
Did I do bad? I did try and make it right with a sincere apology…. and this person kept calling me a “filthy mouth”.
First Time Guilty, Second Time Not
| Dear First Time Guilty, Second Time Not,Thanks for writing. You were right to, for all these years, refrain from swearing, so cheers to that! Obviously, I must commend you for taking responsibility for your first slip on Pogo. But, just because a word is common and not considered offensive in one country, doesn’t mean it’s okay in others. For instance, in the UK, there’s a term used to describe a cigarette that’s common and inoffensive there, but take that word to the U.S., and you’ve engaged in hate speech! In this case, your word is acceptable in Australia, Canada and a few other places, but in the UK, it’s quite offensive (which is why I did change up your letter a bit to hide it). A simple web search asking if it’s offensive would have given you this information and you could have easily told the gentleman “I’m so horribly sorry, in Australia this term is not considered offensive.” And if he continued to harangue you about it, you could have told him to look it up himself, and he could have seen for himself that it’s part of the general vocabulary in Australia. Did you do bad? That’s not really for me to say. I’ll leave it at this: if you learned from this, then it’s a lesson. |
Well Nettie,
I felt like I was back in Middle School after being in a certain Pogo Room today.
Here’s the scenario: Group A: The “Exclusive” group of people playing, chatting amongst themselves. Group B: Others who come in (apparently there is a history there) and Group A starts in on them.
Now, granted, Group B comes in the room, puts some ugly comments in the chat and they are not playing the game. They are obviously there to bully Group A. But then something strange happened… after their initial comments, Group B goes silent. Unbeknown to Group A, who has them muted, Group B is not saying a word. Suddenly, the tables turn. It was truly astonishing to watch Group A become the bullies. They were posting stuff, making snide comments and they let it rule their entire chat.
Have people really not learned at this age how to deal with bullies? I can’t believe how they let Group B ruin their good time. It was like a feeding frenzy and they didn’t even realize Group B was silent and just “there” in name only.
I wanted to say something about how to deal with bullying and then my sense of humor kicked in. I realized they’re all bullies. I almost found myself getting upset and then I realized – WAIT. This is POGO. This is a GAME room. These are people you’ll never meet and they are obsessed with making each others’ lives miserable. WOW. That’s when I decided I’d just write to you.
Bullies are after one thing usually – they want to get a “rise” out of you. Group A and Group B both fed off of each other. I’m just glad I got to witness it so I’ll be aware when it happens again and I can just “mute” them all. Thank goodness I’m not “friends” with either group because I’m only…
Here for a Good Time
| Dear Here for a Good Time,I love it! You’ve hit the nail on the head and your letter serves as a reminder to us all. If you find that your time spent on Pogo (or anywhere, for that matter) is leaving a bad taste in your mouth, take a look at with whom you’re playing. Sometimes one bad apple can, truly, ruin a good bunch, and I’ve seen happy groups of friends turn into unhappy complainers because of one “Negative Nettie”. At first it may seem like all in good fun, but then the pettiness infiltrates nearly every interaction, and pretty soon everyone is miserable, but because it’s happened so gradually nobody really notices and they keep hanging out with the same people who are, as you said “obsessed with making each other’s lives miserable.” Good for you for never getting involved, and hopefully others will read this and decide it’s time time to take back their fun and leave the pettiness alone. |
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