In the Right, But Was I Rude?

Hats off to you for doing your best to practice manners in every situation. It’s not always easy to be polite in instances of impoliteness. You hit “Play Now” and ended up in a room occupied by someone who felt that he or she should be given total privacy. You politely explained the truth of the matter – he or she shouldn’t expect privacy, and furthermore, that you would not be likely to bother them with chat anyway.

I recognize that some players enjoy having a room to themselves. However, asking another player to leave because “I was here first” is not only impolite, it’s a ridiculous request. If you had obliged, it would likely be only a few minutes before another person ended up in that room, and he or she’d have to make the same unreasonable request.

You might have suggested that this person turn the chat off, which would give him or her a chat free game. Of course, Bingo Luau is a social game, so there’s no ability to be completely alone, and the social elements of the game would continue.

Still, the problem belongs to the player. He or she has unrealistic expectations of privacy and making such requests will only lead to conflict. You were right to offer an explanation and to hold your ground. It’s unfortunate that the player chose to engage in what sounds like it might have been hate speech. You could have filed an abuse report.

Polite people sometimes do feel like we’re not being well-mannered when we are faced with impolite demands and are forced to stand up for ourselves. Not to worry, you’re given a little lee way anyway since you’re taken off guard by such requests, but it sounds like you handled the situation like a pro.

Obviously, you experienced an act of great impoliteness. However, my guess is that the other player would feel horrible to know that she’d caused you such upset. My guess is that she has grown “used to” the jumping in and out of games that a good number of players engage in and didn’t even think to mention that she was leaving this game to join a friend in another.

I won’t really defend her actions, other than to say that she did not have any idea about what else is happening in your life, and had she known, would probably have behaved differently.

But that’s all the understanding she’ll get from me. She engaged in poor sportsmanship. It’s rude and insensitive and it’s behavior unbecoming to those who have an appreciation for games. It only takes about ten or so seconds to say: “I’m sorry, my friend just signed on, and I’ve promised a game to him/her. Thank you for playing.” To just leave in the midst of a game – one that was initiated by this person – to join another one is just plain rude.

Now, I will say, there are times when players get disconnected to the Internet, or a pet or child is having an emergency, or they’re on their break at work when their boss gives them a “drop everything” request. There are good reasons why players may drop out of a game. This case, however, there is no good reason.

Your letter serves as a reminder to us all that taking the extra step of politeness isn’t only the right thing to do, it can make a big difference in someone’s life.

What a clever way to preemptively avoid a problem! Sometimes having a sense of humor about whatever it is that could potentially cause friction can make the difference between a fun interaction and one not-so-fun. I applaud your approach, and encourage others to adopt it.

Truly, I can’t promote the idea of using humor to deal with silly issues enough. Often a joke or a funny statement brings reason into a potentially tense situation and it reminds everyone that we’re all on the planet together, and while we may not agree on whatever the issues are, we can still laugh together.