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Dear Ms Netiquette,
I am a avid reader of your column and you’ve given me advice before.
I have a delicate problem concerning another player. The problem is: She’s disabled mentally and she’s a sweet lady, but she follows me around like a lost puppy. I do feel sorry for her but it can be a bit of a pain. I like to play games that are timed and you get tokens if you finish fast. I also don’t have always time to chat.
I do the Daily Challenges first thing in the morning with my coffee and then start my usual daily work and go back on Pogo off and on. But as soon as I join another game, she’s there. What’s worse, is she constantly talks about the items she wants in the Mini Mall, in hopes that I will give her things. She’s done this to others, as she has many gifts.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings as she’s very emotional and handicapped. Some time ago there was a suggestion of what to do so people can still see your profile but not the room your in. Lately, I have been brushing her off by saying I have got to go but then I can’t play without blocking her and that’s not right if she sees that she’s blocked.
I don’t want to block her all the time, just in the mornings. I’ve looked through the archives on “how to” and can’t seem to find it. I don’t like to hurt peoples feelings, especially in her case, but my patience is wearing thin.
Frustrated Pushover
| Dear Frustrated Pushover, You are a true jewel, and I commend you for being such a good friend to this player. Dealing with someone who has a mental disability that causes them to become emotional is, as you pointed out, a very delicate situation. No matter what your course of action is, the probability that you’ll end up upsetting her somehow in this situation is pretty high. Hiding from her will only work so long and doesn’t really address the underlying problem. So, with that in mind, I recommend taking the most direct and honest approach possible. The most polite thing for you to do is to let her know that as much as you enjoy her company, your computer time is limited and that you need some time every day to play by yourself. You might also say that you hide your profile during that time so that people won’t disturb you. She may not react well to that, but it’s honest, and while it may cause you some anxiousness, it is the most respectful method for both of you. And while this very hurt her feelings initially, by being honest with her about how you feel is a form of respect that she will, hopefully, eventually recognize. The fact that you’re willing to be honest with her shows that you care about the relationship. You might also want to introduce her to the Pogo Forums. It sounds like she would enjoy making new friends, and if she were to become involved with a larger group of players, it might take off some of the pressure you’re feeling. If she does not take the news well, and ends up turning on you, then you may want to go ahead and block her temporarily until she cools off. You can visit the Blocked Players List to add her. Or if you simply want to turn off your profile, you can do that by visiting your Profile Settings As for her pulling at your heart strings and trying to get Mini items, you’ll need to be firm and consistent. She has, obviously, had some success in getting people to give her gifts, and that has encouraged her to keep trying. You may need to say “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable giving you gifts, so please do not ask.” And, due to her disability, you may need to repeat that often. I know you wrote me hoping that I’d be able to advise you how to avoid any confrontation, but alas, I don’t really see a way to avoid a little discomfort. Sometimes the resolution to a problem lies outside of our comfort zone, but ultimately it’s worth doing. Think of it as a learning experience. Someone once said “The best way we can take care of others is by taking care of ourselves.” By taking care of your needs, you will be able to be a better friend to her. |
Hello Ms. Netiquette,
There is a league that occupies the Pinochle Alien room who often resort to bad language, racist remarks and berating non-league players. Members who have been reported then complain or “guess” in the lobby who the complainant was and then make unkind remarks. Tonight the league admin claimed that one of the league members has a son who is “working with someone behind the scenes on the reporting problem.”
It is outrageous that this league can claim that an EA employee is going to work on its behalf to protect is them from abuse reports. At best this statement is an attempt to intimidate others from reporting their bad behavior… and at worst, nepotism and abuse of position. Players – non leaguers as well as leaguers – should not have to tolerate verbal abuse, racist remarks and harassment.
Please ensure that your staff is not abusing its position as well as look into this intimidation of league admin in this room.
Thank you for your attention. Playing Square, Playing Fair
| Dear Playing Square, Playing Fair, Fear mongering, name-calling and out and out lying is an unfortunate way to attempt to control the behavior of others. That’s what this person is doing by claiming that she has someone on the inside. She does not. The way the system is set up, she cannot. When you submit an Abuse Report, it is sent into a queue alongside all the other Abuse Reports that have been made. There’s no way anyone can choose which representative receives which report, so to have “someone on the inside” would actually require having EVERYONE “on the inside”, and you know that’s not going to happen. Keep sending the Abuse Reports. While it may take a while for the report to be addressed, it will reach a representative. And if there are clear forms of abuse in the report, action will be taken against the player making the violations. Whether you’re a player, a League Admin, or an Employee of Electronic Arts, the Terms of Service still apply. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
It seems to me that if someone is being stalked they should not have to give up their room, friends, and jump through hoops to avoid the stalker. They did nothing wrong.
Why is it the guilty person is allowed to keep doing it and the person who it is being done to has to change everything? Reporting people has never done anything as far as I can tell from my experience. There was always a reason why nothing could be done. But *I* was suppose to block them, change rooms, put them on mute, jump through all the hoops while the person doing it got away scott free.
I even sent screenshots with my report. But that didn’t matter either. I know you hate losing players, but if it makes another player so unhappy you may lose one anyway. I just think if Pogo did ban a few of these players IP addresses it would show the others that they will take action and they had better clean up their acts. Right now they say ” Go ahead report me, Pogo won’t do anything, they want their money.”
Maybe a little more action on your part is needed to show abusers that they won’t be tolerated.
Wrongly Punished
| Dear Wrongly Punished, Ideally, in a perfect world, the stalkee would never even be stalked to begin with. Alas, I’m sure you’ve gathered by this point in your life that the world is not perfect. Basically, even if you had a “person on the inside” looking after your account 24/7, there’s no way to prevent a determined stalker from causing you grief. We can boot and cancel their account. They can create a new one in about a minute. We can ban their IP address (which, incidentally, could inadvertently ban other players’ IP addresses), but they could easily get a new or masked IP address and be back online in about 10 minutes. Short of going to their house and tying their hands to their feet – which is not only highly illegal, but incredibly time consuming and costly – our own hands are tied as to what we can do. So, ultimately, if the person being stalked wants to take control of the situation, he or she must be the one to make the changes. You say that “reporting does nothing”, and it may feel that way, but that’s simply not true. Ask the legions of people who have lost their accounts due to abuse. However, when it comes to stalking, these predators are often very well aware of what constitutes obvious abuse, and how far they can go before they do risk getting banned or suspended. And when they do get suspended, they just create new accounts. So, if the person being stalked wants it to end, then he or she must take action. Is it fair? No, it’s very unfair. But it’s the reality, and we’re all better off dealing with the reality then pontificating on how it’s not fair. |
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