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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I just poured myself a lovely cup of mint tea because I’m deeply upset regarding what I have recently encountered while playing a game.
A conversation started by one player reading another’s profile and expressing her appreciation for that player’s career, which is a special education children’s teacher. A few others chimed in to say they’re also mothers and aunts of special needs children and how much they appreciated the teachers who devote their world to these incredible kids.
I’m not usually vocal while chatting, but a close family member of mine is the proud new grandmother of a little boy who suffered a stroke after his birth and I asked the room if I could ask a few questions to hopefully discuss a few options our family might have in the upcoming months as well as what we should expect.
The conversation was incredibly helpful until one person began to attack me for even bothering these people because none of them are doctors and said, and I quote, “If the mother wanted to spare the baby, then she should have just let it die…” as well as many, many other disgusting, violent, and chilling comments.
You popped into my head immediately so I simply muted the player, and so did many others in the room. Others also reported him, but I didn’t think to do so because I was so upset over how this person could type, and most importantly think, such inhumane things about an innocent child so I just left.
Well, the next day I woke up and had a message in my inbox and it was from the player who made those malicious comments asking me how I could live with myself by encouraging the grandmother to seek every resource available to help her new grandson. He also stated that I’m a coward for just muting him, rather than discussing my side of the matter.
I questioned these people because they aren’t doctors and were able to talk to me as a woman, mother, aunt, and teacher on the same level. I am not a doctor, but I believe the emotional support is just as important as the physical support.
Now, I’ve come to the point in my story where I need your advice, if heaven forbid, this ever happens again: did I do the right thing by muting the person and avoiding what I believe was a massive chat argument waiting to happen? I’m not a coward, but I’m also not a confrontational person either and don’t believe arguing with anyone on the Internet is truly productive. Should I have stood my ground?
Any advice you can offer me will be greatly appreciated.
Kind Regards,
A Cowardly Lioness?
| Dear Intelligent Lioness, You may have noticed I’ve changed your name. I raise my cup of strong British tea to you and your mastery of handling that situation, as upsetting as it was. You did everything right. It’s very likely that this troublemaker was merely what we call a “troll” – someone looking to create chaos where there is peace, and I’m so sorry that he interrupted what appears to have been a very healing and supportive conversation. I hope that you are able to reconnect with these wonderful people and continue to seek their advice. It sounds like he was violating the Terms of Service, so reporting him was definitely a good option. However, if he was just skirting them, then muting this person and ignoring his cruel and insensitive remarks was exactly the right thing to do. Arguing with him, as you correctly pointed out, would have been a waste of time that would likely have left you more upset than you already were. By muting and ignoring him, you’re essentially putting him in his place. His comments do not deserve any response and responding to them would only encourage him. I hope that you did the same with his message. In fact, I recommend that you block him. The reality is that this person is likely very unhappy, and says these sorts of things as a way to distract himself from his own misery. He probably doesn’t even believe in what he is typing himself, and does so merely to create a ruckus. Finally, I wish you and your family the best. It sounds like this special needs baby couldn’t have found a more loving and supportive relative. |
Ms. Netiquette:
I read with interest the letter from “Hiding in the Dark” (Ms. Netiquette, October 29, 2010) who was concerned about the privacy of Pogo accounts with regard to other players in rooms hacking into his/her account and/or finding out personal information. Your reply reassured that this could not happen from Pogo and also linked to an article about guarding oneself on the Internet. Very good and helpful advice.
However, what is the status of a Pogo user’s privacy now that Facebook and Pogo have joined hands (so to speak) and one is now able to access a Pogo player’s Facebook account? On Facebook, one’s real name and information is (usually) available, since what would be the point of Facebook if an alias was used so that no one could find you?
Now it is my dilemma as well.
Thank you.
Curious
| Dear Curious, You bring up a very, very good point. On the Pogo side of things, you have a lot more anonymity. As soon as you link your Facebook account to your Pogo account, depending on your settings and how much of your information is available on your Facebook account, you are sharing that information with others. First off, it’s VERY tempting and easy to get into the habit of posting all sorts of personal information on Facebook. If you have not done a thing to your Facebook privacy settings, then you are truly opening up your life to the entire world – and some of our fellow citizens are not to be trusted with that information. I strongly, strongly – stronger than the strongest tea in the world – urge each and everyone to do a couple of things regarding Facebook (and even Pogo):
All of that said, everyone must make a decision on how public they choose to be on the Internet. Facebook is a lot of fun for a lot of people, but there are many folks who choose not to open an account. If you do want an account, you can make it so that you’re basically invisible to the rest of the world through the Facebook account settings. Lots of Pogo players will create an account and choose the strictest privacy settings solely to play the Facebook application for Pogo. That is perfectly fine. You don’t have to put up a picture of yourself and you’re not required to provide any information that you’re not comfortable sharing. Yes, Pogo and a lot of other companies will encourage you to connect to Facebook and for many folks it’s a good deal of fun. But ultimately that decision is up to you. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I would like to thank you and the entire team Pogo staff for 11 years of enjoyment. I’d been playing Pogo for free since 1999 and then decided to officially join in 2006. It’s been a pleasure playing the games and delighting in the new features that are consistently being improved upon to ensure a very pleasant gaming experience for all – whether for free or Club members. I’ve met many nice people on this site and Pogo has kept me “sane” through life’s daily challenges… employment, child rearing, mourning , etc;
I’ve had technical difficulties and the Pogo Team was understanding, patient, efficient problem solvers, ensuring my subscription and gaming experience was pleasant and satisfactory. I love the various badges and badge collection themes. I can truly say I am a Pogo Addict and proud of it.
Thank you for such a fine social gaming site where players have so many fine games to choose from and a game genres that everyone can choose from. Thank you for making Pogo a gaming site of good clean fun.
I thank GOD for Pogo.
P.S. Pogo was voted one of Time Magazines best gaming sites this year so your accomplishments are great and many!
Thank you,
Sincerely,
Karen
| Dear Karen, Thank you so much for your Letter of Gratitude! I’m delighted that Pogo has provided you, and so many others, with so much satisfaction. |
Dear Readers,
Next week is Thanksgiving here in the US, and as such, there will be no column. My best wishes to everyone for a joyous holiday!
Ms. Netiquette
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
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