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Today people from a league started to bad mouth me to other players as well as harass and berate another player who is my friend when she requested that they stop. They laughed at her name saying that she must be a “boy” with such a name. However, she is a 57 year-old woman who doesn’t need to explain her name or her reason for friendship with certain players.
The “spokeswoman” then advised us all that the room was “theirs” and that we were only guests! The room has a number and nowhere does it state that it is a league only room! No player, especially new players to Pogo should have to be subjected to their rudeness and bad behavior. Some of the players left as the rudeness continued as they wanted no part of it, understandably. I advised my friend on how to mute them and also informed that I would be muting them as well. One of “their” players advised that he would “follow” me in any room I played and harass me, how childish!
I wonder why Pogo doesn’t give them their own rooms so that they play alone or with other leagues! I believe this would resolve issues that members and nonmembers have with these “leagues” who behave as if they own Pogo and the particular games they play. I understand they wish to campaign for new players to join them but who would when such bullying by them is occurring! Let them find other ways to enlist players and not take over the “chat line” with their advertising and crass remarks! Please consider making special rooms for these special players.
I pray that Pogo will find a way to settle these disturbances to please ALL of its players and not just the so called “chosen” few.
Sincerely,
No Use for Rudeness
| Dear No Use for Rudeness,You don’t mention what game you were playing when this occurred, but we do have Tournament Rooms in most of our games. But, unfortunately, there aren’t always enough rooms to accomodate all the tournaments, so from time to time you will be in a room and will experience a league coming in to hold their tourney.That certainly doesn’t mean that they have the right to claim ownership or give other players a hard time. In fact, they, of all people, should be beacons of good sportsmanship. Truly, the behavior you experienced was unbecoming of anyone in a league. By name-calling and claiming “ownership” of the room, they did violate the Terms of Service and you had reason to report them for it. Most league members are polite and understand the difficulties the league presents when entering a regular room on Pogo. Many of them have adopted methods that ensure that there will be little to no disruption in the game rooms. Those leagues should be applauded, because they really do go the extra mile to keep Pogo fun for everyone. If you should ever run into this situation again, do report them for abuse. Those in the leagues should know that the same rules apply to all Pogo players, and that breaking them comes with risk. |
Ms. Netiquette,
I love your advice and I need some, if you may be so kind as to help me with an issue. I have come across a woman that I have been friends with for almost two years now and she has told me she has Cancer. She had it when I first met her and I have kept in touch, although we don’t speak everyday. However, once a month as a check in to see how she is doing. She comes and vents to me about her family problems etc., and I am more than willing to lend a ear, shoulder, or my heart. I’m sorry she has this evil Cancer and I wish upon no one as I am sure you would feel the same.
But my problem is that she has told me that she is choosing to follow her faith and not the chemo (her choice), and recently told me that she only has 6 months to maybe a year to live. Then asked me where I got my bouncing rose and I told her it’s an M-n-M Badge for Mother’s Day and that I would send it to her.
Then recently I was told by her family she doesn’t have cancer.
My question or help to you is would you please express to people on Pogo that there is a human on the other side of the computer and those kind of games are hurtful. I am in shock. I was thinking she is dying and that she is a nice lady, but now I feel she is not an honest person, I know there are not many that are not honest in this world but at least don’t lie about being sick.
So, now I feel used by buying her the M-n-M Badge, which I didn’t mind purchasing to make a sick woman feel better or put a smile on her face. But having been lied to about a illness for two years hurts my heart.
What would you do?
Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best
| Dear Hurt Feelings Wishing the Best,This is just a horrible situation to be in. Unless there’s more you haven’t told me, you’ll want to be careful. With the limited amount of information you already have, and the amount that you have access to, you’re really caught in quite a bind.For instance, you don’t really know who to believe. It is possible that she does have cancer but hasn’t yet told her family. Unlikely, perhaps, but some people do feel more comfortable unloading their problems on total strangers than telling those closest to them. So, that’s something to consider. That said, if you do happen to know for sure that she doesn’t have cancer, then you have every reason to be upset, and there’s no doubt your heart has been hurt. Don’t feel bad for crying over this. Beyond the gifts you’ve given her, you’ve invested a lot of emotion into this relationship, and to be told such a horrendous falsehood is bound to be incredibly upsetting. Who knows what is going on in her life that would motivate her to do this. But you know what? We can both be glad we don’t understand, because that can’t be a good place. At this point, if you’re sure she lied to you about this, then I recommend that you end the relationship immediately. I wouldn’t worry about the gifts – you may have been used, but they’re gone now, and any attempt to recover them will only result in more upset. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on. Your heart was in the right place. Hers was not. It’s unfortunate that there are people who do these sorts of things. If she attempts to contact you, I’d recommend simply ignoring her. If she’s able to lie about something like this, there’s no telling how far she’d be willing to go to rope you in. Eventually, she’ll get the picture and she should move on. If, heaven forbid, she decides to cause you any more heartbreak by stalking you, please contact me and I will work with you to make sure that you’re able to enjoy Pogo without having to worry about her. Finally, I’m most certain that you are a kind person and that the many, many people who have had the opportunity to experience your thoughtfulness have truly appreciated it. So please do not let this one bad experience sour you in anyway. |
Dear Nettie,
This is the first time I’ve ever felt the urge to write to you. Just read your advice to the lady (?) who got booted for using hate speech. I was a long-time Navy wife who’s husband is now buried in Arlington Nat’l Cemetery. He spent his entire Navy career on submarines, helping keep our country safe. I can tell you that I know a lot of not-so-nice words and descriptions and have been known to use them….in very select company that is. Most of my friends say I’m bilingual… English and Navy slang. However, Pogo is NOT the place to use any of that language… regardless of your background. For her to try and explain her offense away by saying she was married to a veteran is very offensive and she should know better!
Second subject… the person who wrote in about players insisting everyone use English in the chat rooms. You and the letter writer gave several good suggestions how to handle non-English chatters, but I think there was one more you missed. How about using it as an opportunity to make some new friends and maybe, just maybe, learn a new language. I’ve met several very nice players who know some English and were happy to teach some of us a few words in their native language. It’s a great opportunity people.
Now I’m off for a second cup of coffee… sorry Nettie
The Language of Coffee is Universal
| Dear The Language of Coffee is Universal,COFFEE? My word! I need to take a moment to calm down. “Calm down, Nettie… calm down… it’s okay… she didn’t say you had to switch… she merely said she was going to have a cup.”Now I have to have a third cup of Darjeeling to make up for the second cup of coffee you had. It’s a never ending cycle, I tell ya! Kidding aside (and I am kidding – I’ve been known to enjoy coffee, lattes and cappucinos), I do thank you for your perspective in the first part of the letter, and love your suggestion in the second. It’s unlikely anyone will become fluent in French or any other language by watching the chat on Pogo, but picking up a “Bonjour” here and a “Gracias” there can be a lot of fun and might even come in handy some day. Plus, as you pointed out, you must might make a new friend or two. |
