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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
Earlier this evening I was in Aces Up. There was no chat and we were just all playing quietly, when out of nowhere a woman starts bad mouthing me about my profile.
She said I was a lousy player since I did not have as many tokens as she did and that she could tell by reading my profile I have no friends and was very lonely. This has bothered me all night, and I can not understand what caused her to go off on me. There was no reason for her to attack me. I have never seen this player before.
When I read the chat I was very shocked, and when I scrolled up to find her name, she had left the room in a hurry. This has hurt me, and alternately made me angry to think that a “lady” would feel she could say these things and then just leave. What is wrong with people to lash out at someone they have never even spoken to before?
This is a great site, and I have been a member for 6 years; but she was out of line.
Why Me?
| Dear Why Me, It is very unfortunate that you were singled out and attacked like this. It’s difficult not to take these things personally, but you shouldn’t. The player you encountered is what we might call an inciter, or an instigator or a haranguer or in online terms a “griefer.” This is someone whose sole purpose is to create a “scene” for his or her own amusement. You just happened to have enough interesting information in your profile and your screen name just so happened to be the one that he or she picked at the time. You really could have been anyone. It’s possible she left in a hurry because you did not react to her chat immediately. In most of these cases, if you ignore the abuse, the abuser will go away in search of someone who will give them the reaction they crave. And really, that’s all they want. They want a reaction to what they’ve said. If they don’t get it, they’ll move on. What is wrong with people who do this? It’s hard to know, but we can probably assume that they have some real world issues that cause them to behave in such a way. The important thing is to realize that they exist, and that they only way they can get to you is if you let them. So, should you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that it has little or nothing to do with you and ignore the abuser. |
Hello Ms. Netiquette,
I was flagged for spamming messages and I do not think I should have been! Why? Because in the first place it was somebody else that sent the thing to me first, and I did not know it was wrong!
Somebody on my friends list reported me and that was not right at all they should have messaged me saying that they did not like what I sent them and blocked me if they wanted to and tell me to not send them anything anymore.
So, I am not having a friends list anymore. That is not being a friend to do that to somebody. It’s not nice flagging them with out telling them first to stop mailing them stuff they do not like.
Upset!
| Dear Upset, Forwarding messages to the people on your friends list is a violation of our Terms of Service, and the message you received is simply the informational e-mail that players receive when they have been reported for the first offense. While I certainly understand your frustration, I caution you against giving up the Friends List entirely. You did not know that forwarding messages was a violation, nor did you at the time recognize that it was impolite. Now you do and you can continue to enjoy using your Friends List. |
Dear Miss Netiquette,
I was rather dismayed to read Friendless in Pogo’s e mail to you and I would just like to say to them: “Don’t panic!”
I was in exactly the same position when I first joined Club Pogo. I was a member for nearly 12 months and had not spoken to a soul apart from a friend from home. Then one day I noticed that a league was hosting a tournament in the room in which I was playing. All the players seemed to be having fun & tried their best to involve other players in the room. At the end of their tournament I was able to get the address for their league and thought “what the heck, I have nothing to lose” so I went ahead and joined.
I am pleased to say that I am now a host for this league and because I decided to take the plunge that day I now have many many friends. I am no longer lonely or friendless and my time in Pogo is always an enjoyable one!
Yours sincerely
Happy in Pogo!
P.S. This would not of been at all possible without the friendship and kindness that was shown to me right from the start, and I know I cannot say her real screen name so we shall just call her “Queen Bee” thank you so much mate, you’re a star!
| Dear Happy, Thank you for sharing your suggestion. I received a lot of e-mail about making friends on Pogo in response to the letter from “Friendless.” Many suggested joining a league and many suggested finding the right room. Many shared their own stories of how they were once shy and with a few baby steps, they were able to make some friends. |
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
