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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I was recently dressed down by a player in SCRABBLE for using the HINT feature that is part of Pogo’s SCRABBLE game. She accused me of cheating, and then became vicious and personal. She said she reported me, that I was done on Pogo forever, and then went on to insult me and insult my vocabulary, of which she saw little since I only made two words in her game. She was already winning when I came in. If you can’t use the Hint feature and it is cheating, why use it?
Why are the people on Pogo increasingly getting mouthier and mouthier and ruder and ruder?
I have never cheated on Pogo and I never will. What is up with so many people, across the game rooms so set on accusing others of cheating? Grow up gamers. We are here to have fun, not cause the staff headaches because so called adults can’t play without crying and running off to report each other to Pogo.
Tired of the Divas
| Dear Tired of the Divas, Don’t you just love it when people bawl you out for using a feature that is available and part of the game? And what makes this one all that much more precious is that had she bothered, she could have set the game up so that the hint feature was disabled. But why make things more convenient when you can bring upset to others and tarnish your own reputation at the same time? Why not spread misery around at every chance as if there’s not enough of it in the world already? Bring me another cup of English Breakfast – and make it a double! I am very sorry you were subjected to such horrible behavior. I can only speculate why someone would act like this. My guess is that she is miserable and as they say, misery loves company. Often times people are so entrenched in their own misery they’re not even aware of it and can’t see themselves out of it. And it’s very difficult for those of us who aren’t miserable to not be taken aback by such behavior. Thus, we are tempted – even me – to respond in a similar way. But, believe me, nobody ever regrets taking the higher road. You may ponder what you could have said, but likely, had you done so you would have just intensified the misery. In the future you might, if you ever face such a situation again, politely let her know that your use of the Hint button is not cheating, and that if she were to set her table options, she could click the “Advanced Options” button and turn off the Hints in future games. As for her reporting you – don’t worry. You can’t get in trouble for using a game feature. If she did actually report you, I’m afraid all she did do, as you pointed out, is waste the time of our staff. |
Dear Nettie,
I hope your tea is hot because I could go on all day about the statement you made about saying “thank you”.
I absolutely SHOULD be getting a “thank you”. As everyone should be when giving a gift. That is just good manners.
The people that do not say thank you are in the wrong.
Thank you for your time.
You’re Welcome
| Dear You’re Welcome, Interestingly, my tea does seem a few degrees warmer after reading your e-mail. But alas, I will politely disagree with you and do my best to explain why. If you send your daughter a lovely gift for her birthday, no doubt you would expect a “thank you”. Same goes, really, for any gift you give to someone who you know, provided they are fully cognizant of the fact that a gift has been given to them. And, of course, that the gift you give is within reason. If it’s your birthday and I “give” you Australia, chances are you won’t thank me… at least not sincerely. However, on Pogo, you don’t know everyone. Many people do not play on Pogo to make friends or to engage in any type social activity. They’re just here to play some games. Some of those folks are unaware that gifts have even been given to them. If you receive a gift and don’t know it, how can one expect you to send a “thank you”. It *is* good manners to say thank you. Nobody is questioning that. However, it is *not* necessarily bad manners to not offer thanks for a virtual gift you did not expect from a stranger you’ve only perhaps seen a few times in a game room on the Internet. The only exceptions I can see are if you gave someone a Mini item and they obviously accepted it and put it on their Mini for the world to see, or if you gifted a badge and they earned it. In those cases I do believe a thank you is warranted. However, it shouldn’t be expected. It all harkens back to the question we must ask ourselves when we give a gift. Are we giving it so that the person may feel some joy? Or are we giving it so that we may be recognized for doing so? Ideally, a gift should be given from the heart, and if a thank you is offered, it should be appreciated. If no thank you is offered, then perhaps it wasn’t appreciated and perhaps you might think twice about giving that person a gift again. I guarantee a lot of grandparents received thank you letters for the previous year’s Christmas gift after their grandchildren found nothing for them beneath the tree for this year’s! So, you have a choice. You can give other Pogo players gifts and then stew about how you didn’t get your “thank you” if you don’t receive one, or you can give from your heart and be thankful yourself when you do receive one. The next letter offers a real life point of view. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I’ve held my tongue and thoughts long enough, Nettie. It really bothers me when people complain about not being thanked for unsolicited gifts or words of encouragement or congratulations. In each case, when you’ve given reasons people may not respond, you’ve never touched on my reason. Well, not completely.
Yes, Nettie, I come to Pogo to play games. I am not looking to make new friends, find a mate, or brighten up my day. I’m here for entertainment, relaxation, and maybe, hopefully, a little brain growth. I have had one frightening experience with an online stalker, and it is something I will not risk repeating. Some people, not all, take a polite response to a comment as an invitation for a continued conversation. Rather than hurt their feelings with a polite but firm rebuff, I simply do not engage. If they think me rude, so be it. They don’t know me and will never meet me, so their opinion of me doesn’t really matter.
I can hear the gasps of outrage from those people who complain about us non-responders, but peace, friend. Rest assured that in the real world, I smile nicely and say “Thank you,” to someone who holds a door open for me or helps me when I drop something, but I know they will not try to follow up and further the encounter. My parents taught me manners and I, in turn, have taught my children manners, but I have also told them to never respond to online chat.
I thank you for your kind words but my feelings aren’t hurt if you don’t say, “gg” or “nj” or “wtg.” It may help you to know that behind my screen, I’m noticing and commenting to myself on your great playing but I will never type my thoughts.
An Observant and Appreciative but Silent Game Player
| Dear Observant and Appreciative, Thank you so much for your letter. You do an excellent job of offering one valid reason why one might refrain from chatting. Chat is there for those who enjoy engaging in it. It is not required that players do so. We’ll all feel a whole lot better if we just accept that there are folks who don’t chat and leave them be. We need not take it personally – it never is. Nobody on the other side of the screen even knows who you are, and they’re certainly not rubbing their hands together maliciously and saying “I’m really going to GET this person by not saying anything!”. Appreciate those folks who enjoy chatting with you, and leave the others alone. |
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
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