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Dear Ms. Netiquette,
I haven’t seen this addressed so thought I’d give it a go. You may need your tea for this one as it involves children.
On occasion I enjoy playing in an uncensored room. There’s one that I have been in numerous times, I’ve gotten to know the ‘regulars’ of the room. There have been a few times when one of the regulars’ kids gets on the computer, probably not realizing he or she is in an uncensored chat room.
Now, I hear (and sometimes say) things that no child should be hearing, and I would like to know if there is something I can do without reporting that person, as I know for a fact that they would never let their children participate in an uncensored room.
To me, the abuse report doesn’t seem quite fair, as the owner of the account is not aware that their child has control of the computer. Is it a TOS violation? Yes, and I know that. But it seems unfair to get reported for something you didn’t do, or maybe they (the parents) really don’t care what said child sees. Yes, I think she should be more diligent or at least turn chat off (which is what I do if my kids come onto Pogo).
Should I get a hold of this person the next day and tell her what her child was saying or do I politely say ‘your child was in here last night’ and not give out any info.
I do not know these peoples private life so of course I don’t want to be responsible for a beating. Help me Nettie try to find a solution to this problem.
Call me Kerfuddled
| Dear Call me Kerfuddled,I poured myself a nice cup of chamomile, then immediately fed it to the plants and brewed up a strong pot of English Breakfast for this one. You bring up two issues, and there’s no simple answer to either of them. First, you’ve got the kid who enters the uncensored room and is unprepared for the conversation taking place, and second, you’ve got the kid who’s joining in the conversation and engaging in chat that possibly violates the Terms of Service. In the first situation, if you’re 100% convinced that the person behind the computer is actually a child, you can – if you want to involve yourself – tell him or her that this is an adult room, and that they should really leave. Something like “Hey there… just to let you know – this is an adult ‘uncensored chat’ room, and you probably don’t want to be here” should do the trick. In the second situation, if the child violates the Terms of Service, you should simply report the abuse. Keep in mind that regardless of whether or not the room is uncensored, the Terms of Service apply. The only difference, really, is that some of the more “salty” language and themes are allowed. Hate speech, harassment, overly sexual talk, and other types of chat discussed in the Terms of Service are still forbidden. While we do realize that these sorts of things do occur, we truly have no way – short of going to the customer’s home and peering through a window – of knowing who, in fact, is behind the computer. Thus, we put the onus on the owner of the account to be responsible for everything that happens on that account. So, if a child does log on with a parent’s account, with or without the parent’s permission, the parent is still responsible for whatever happens to that account. Thus, if the kid violates the TOS and gets suspended, the parent is still responsible. Is that fair? It’s about as fair as you can get, given the nature of the online world. If the parent is okay with the child playing on Pogo, then he or she should set up an account for the kid (and monitor the activity). Accounts created by people under 18 don’t show the uncensored rooms, so that is a good reason parents should see to it that their kids have their own accounts. Parents – and really EVERYONE – should definitely log out of their own accounts when sharing a computer. You don’t want to take the blame for someone else’s misdeeds! Finally, if you’re fairly close to the parent, and you see that Junior has been online with his mother or father’s account, and you suspect that this is unknown to the parent, you might want to let the parent know. A simple: “Wasn’t sure if you were aware, but I saw that Junior was online last night and in an uncensored room.” If the child said horrific things, then someone will have likely reported the account for abuse, and the abuse report should reflect that. |
Dear Ms Netiquette,
Your reply to Choose a Better Word was downright silly.(Alienated Because I Keep My Profile Private!)
“So, don’t take it personally. Your letter does serve as a reminder to those of us who are word-buffs that if we have a blank and the option of spelling a few different words, we should choose one that wouldn’t be taken the wrong way.”
Cut me a break. Did the other person tell her in chat she was stupid? No. Did they in any way act or say anything that was hurtful? No. They were playing a game. Note that word GAME. If Chooser chooses to feel hurt by a word someone played, that’s Chooser’s problem not the innocent person playing. That’s called projecting. In this case it appears Chooser felt stupid for some strange reason and decided the other person was being hurtful.
Nettie, old girl, this whole thing was one sided. Totally one sided. Chooser chose how to feel and proceeded to be offended. That’s Chooser’s problem – not the other player’s. Some good therapy might help so she can understand these were totally her feelings that she created all by her lonesome. It also sounds as if she needs to handle some serious issues as to why she feels dumb. It’s also why I never run on Pogo without mute on completely. And frankly as long as it is not an offensive word like some swear words or racial slurs, I’m bloody well going to use what word I think of at the time.
I think I’ll be offended by the word Netiquette. Please stop using it. It’s very hurtful to me.
Offended By Choice!
| Dear Offended By Choice,I actually agree with you and think your critique is fair. And while I do agree that Chooser totally overreacted and ultimately made the choice to be offended, I also stand by my advice. Really, all I’m saying is that if it’s the last turn, and you recognize that you have a choice between two words – one that could be taken as an insult, or one that can’t – go for the one that’s safe. Also, I take offense to your being offended by the word “Netiquette” and for the record – however offended you feel by my use of “Netiquette”, I am 73% *more* offended by you being offended by it. This sort of reminds me of last year’s April Fool’s Column. And just in case anyone is unsure – yes, I’m just kidding around! All that English Breakfast has really kicked in! |
Dear Ms. Netiquette:
Those are great suggestions for feedback (The Polite Person’s Guide to Making Your Feedback Count), but I would like to add one more:
- DO Offer a Solution! It’s easy to complain about something, but have a suggestion on how to correct the problem. (Of course this works best when the problem isn’t a highly technical one that is out of your expertise.)
Love your column –
JG in Chicago
| Dear JG in Chicago,I like your point so much, that I’ve updated that column with your suggestion (you’ll find you’ve been credited as well!) I’d also like to thank the many folks for pointing out my embarrassing folly, which actually made me laugh because it was so boneheaded and Nettie-like. After making the point about being sure to employ correct grammar, I followed up with the point: “DON’T Assume You’re Situation Will be Remembered!” clearly not taking my own advice! It should have been “Your”. That, too, has been updated. |
Have an etiquette question for Ms. Netiquette? Email msnetiquette@pogo.com
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