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Hi Nettie,
I read your column faithfully and actually feel a loss when you are on vacation, lol. Rarely do I feel the need to actually write you because most anything I would wonder about, others write to about.
This is something I haven’t seen in your column though. Most table games have a “lobby” of sorts. There, you will see advertisements of: “rated game on X”, “need one more player on Y”, etc. If you are looking for a rated game, or a game waiting for a player, then this is good information to have. Someone wanting or needing a rated game would do well to post a message rather than wait for someone to stumble by. So the lobby works very well for them.
What I saw tonight was people advertising the “shortcomings” of other players in the lobby. Within the span of 3 minutes, I saw two messages discouraging others from playing with certain members (two different reporters, squawking on 2 different players). One claim was “boring”, the other “quitter when losing”.
Sure, some people might be boring competitors according to your standards, others might be quitters when a child has fallen or been injured and they need to go. Personally, I would try to let my opponent know a child emergency had happened and I am leaving, but that isn’t always possible. The next best thing would be to hit the red x so my opponent in the game knows I’m not coming back.
These are just scenarios as to why the two people I saw come under personal “negative advertisement” might have had reason to quit or fail (by the way: this was in the Beginners room).
Why would someone that had an experience not up to their expectation actually take the time to defile their opponent in the lobby in an effort to make sure no one else played with them either? I don’t think this is a violation of the Terms of Service, but I do know it is nasty behavior.
I know the simple answer is to ignore and play with who we want to anyway, but some part of me thinks that it is just wrong for someone to advertise at will their own perceived shortcomings of other players in the room and try to redirect members away from those particular players.
Many a movie star has won a suit against someone advertising false allegations based on one moment or one picture. I think if advertising not to play at a specific member’s table isn’t a violation, then it needs to be.
Thanks,
Some Call it Slander
| Dear Some Call it Slander, It’s unfortunate that some people feel it necessary, or even “okay”, to badmouth a player over a less-than-stellar game experience. Why would someone do such a thing? Anger. It’s likely that the badmouthers have truly had bad experiences before and they’re taking matters into their own hands by letting others know of their bad experience. They may even be convinced that they are doing the room a favor by providing their “review” of the player. In truth, as you so eloquently pointed out, is that there may be a myriad of reasons why someone must quit a game mid-way through, and last I checked being “boring” is not a violation of any sort. Furthermore, publicly shaming someone in a chat room is not only impolite, it is against the Terms of Service:
This one bullet point within the TOS covers a lot of area. If someone is unhappy with someone else, it’s a violation to embarrass them. The situation you describe falls into that category. However, while it is a violation on Pogo (and anywhere on any of the Electronic Arts sites), it is not likely going to fall under “slander” as defined by the law. Still, no matter how upset you are with an obnoxious opponent, you should not humiliate them to a room full of strangers. |
Hello, Ms. Netiquette,
Pogo has offered us many political rooms in which to play – for which I am so grateful! I would just like to suggest to folks who play in those rooms that we’re there to play Pogo AND discuss relevant topics AND listen to others’ opinions.
At times, the players in these rooms attack other players for their views – one room in particular has become quite ugly, vile, and prone to beginning rumors about players on Pogo and elsewhere on the Internet. I am not innocent in losing my cool and I am sorry for that; I’m striving for better behavior.
Short of muting, how else can we clean these rooms up?
Thanks so much!
Debate, Don’t Debase!
| Dear Debate, Don’t Debase, Unfortunately, political debate can easily turn into personal attacks by those unable to control their emotions. And, frankly, the more passionate we feel about something the more likely we are to allow our emotions get the better of us and sometimes this leads to us saying horrible things about others. Furthermore, it seems that there are few places left where one can watch polite and intellectual debate. Blowhards on either side of any issue set a poor example to the rest of those who wish to fully discuss a given topic. So, what can you do? Simply put – act like a voice of reason in the room. When the conversation starts to hit below the belt, do what you can to reel it back to the subject. Lines like “Let’s stick to the topic, we’re all friends here” and “Let’s keep it above the belt guys… there’s more that unites us than divides us” may help to remind players that despite differing opinions, we’re all human and here on the planet together. Of course, there will be times when someone or some people are too far engrossed in their point that they’ll be unable to take it down to a more civil level. In those cases, you might want to let the room know why you’re muting the hostile players. Saying something to the effect of: “I’m interested in both sides of the story, but this debate is turning ugly. I’m employing the ‘mute’ button on those I feel are hitting below the belt.” Then follow through. It’s so easy to get sucked into a political debate if you feel strongly about something, but you do everyone a favor by taking the high road, even if it means you don’t get the last word. |
Dear Ms. Netiquette,
Once again I got an unwanted forward or chain letter. Then I received the same one from another person on the receiving end that I don’t even know. I wrote the Pogo friend who sent the original message and asked her – POLITELY – not to send me forwards or chain letters of any kind and this is the response I got:
“I sent this because I thought you were a friend… guess I was wrong. I did not expect an answer back like I got… I am removing you from my friends list. Good luck”
I know that some people will probably never learn to accept that many of us regard ALL forwards and chains as unwanted mail but is there anything we can do to try to teach them?
Unchain Me Please
| Dear Unchain Me Please, Probably not much. Reasonable people will understand that while they may enjoy forwarded and chain letters, not everyone else does. But, in many cases, people who enjoy these sorts of e-mails may not be all that reasonable. I say this based on the types of forwarded and chain e-mails I’ve seen and received. Most of them tend to be written to cause the reader some sort of unnecessary upset. Now, before I go on, I will say that there are some chain mails that do provide players with important information (safety recalls, dangers of common products, etc…). Still, in most cases, your favorite news site will likely carry the same important stories. Thus, I encourage anyone who dislikes forwarded e-mails to politely request to be taken off the mailing lists of those friends who send them. In your case, the recipient of your request took it personally and got defensive. Friends don’t always do what we want them to, and for her to end the friendship over your polite request is petty and not very “friend” like. You may be better off without having her as a friend. If, however, you disagree and enjoyed this person when she was not forwarding e-mails, then you may want to send her a quick note to try to smooth things over. Something like “I don’t want our friendship to end, I just don’t like forwarded e-mails or messages of any kind. It’s just the way I am. I hope we can remain friends” should do it. |
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